Friday, April 6, 2012

F is for Fragile (warning sad)

I wasn't planning to go this direction with F.  I was thinking flirting with words, people, etc. Then
Marian at Toads asked us to pen a poem. Her poem challenges involve music. She shared with us her love of this talented man, Vic Chesnutt.   She shares, "His songs are like no others, his music soaring on some other plane, his words poetry. I have long adored his work, and I still mourn his untimely passing on Christmas Day in 2009."  He had a car accident, that put him in a wheel car.




 I couldn't help but think of a friend of mine, who ended his life too soon. He was the last person on the planet, I thought would ever walk this road.  I wasn't home when it happened, but I remember the last time I saw him. He was happy and his usually self. I heard there was trouble in his marriage and he started doing drugs.  Everyone liked him; he was always smiling. He was a jock, smart, good looking, and funny.  I know what you are thinking, maybe... maybe not. 


Carnival by ~redneckbond






Carnivals come and go
yet
some of us
get sick on
the coaster
some get
injured
on
the Tilt o' Whirl
it can spin
one
of
us
off
our 
axis


we didn't get the
the
fairy tale
we would
settle for
Rocky n' Bullwinkle's version
fractured
with
fun house
mirror
view


The ride of life
tosses us
off
 our desired course
the 
side show
freak tent
attracts us
we
spy
glass jars
 filled  with
science specimens


Our pain
is hidden to some
our dark
 shadows
altered by
the
pink sugared high
that 
doesn't last
it
blurs
the journey's
lines

we connect to the
frayed threads
of being
OOAK
we
are measured by
society's
ruler
what is
 beautiful
and
successful
we
don't
see
the
clown
cry


 tightrope
gets twisted
not every one gets
the best seat
under the
big top
it is
 fraying
in front of you
but you
don't
always see
it's
fragile threads
dangle

 try again
to cross the rope
we hope for a better
performance
it's unwinding
 our umbrella
doesn't open
the rain
washes us
with
a
distilled
mood
numbed
we
teeter on the
edge
and
sometimes
one of
us
falls


Why didn't
he or she have a net?
Where
was
the
net?


31 comments:

Daydreamertoo said...

This hits close to home for me Ella.
There is no easy way for those left not to feel some sense of guilt at all. All the 'what if's' that have to remain unanswered.
Hard subject, hit close to home for me too.
Lovely, poignant and tender.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Oh my God, Ellie, this is one of your best. FANTASTIC write!!!!!!!! So so true. The frayed rope, the clown crying and where oh where is the damned net? This is simply spectacular. So sorry about your friend. A friend of mine from high school that I lost touch with then found again in 2000 committed suicide to one year later. It really rocked me, as it was like I'd let him down a second time, not been tuned in enough to his troubles. It took a long time to get over it. Marian's prompt has brought peoples' poems out from the painful places - awesome to read from one to the other, where every single poem really really speaks from the heart. Great job, kiddo. You must never ever again question whether you are a poet.

Kerry O'Connor said...

Your metaphor is so consistent throughout, and draws the fine line between childhood fun and adulthood spun out of control.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

That is sad. And hurts when we wonder if we could've been the net.

turtlememoir said...

Ella, this is a wonderfully executed poem, each narrowing shape of a stanza returning the reader to the title. I'm reminded of my sister who ended her life years ago... and of how 'fun' is often just a brave face 'fragile' puts on for others...

Christine Rains said...

Emotional and well written.

Marian said...

oooh so beautiful, i so appreciate the nod to Rocky & Bullwinkle here, so clear and chilling. your poem even looks like a rope to me. SIGH.

Tracy Jo said...

Awesome and sad...but sometimes we need sad. So good!!

rch said...

The contrast between the wonder and the woe is quite profound, nicely penned.

welcome to my world of poetry said...

Had the tissues ready,

Such wonderful words which did bring tears to my eyes,

Yvonne.

Adura Ojo said...

This is one creative write, Ella. Sober, reflective, great imagery and all neatly wrapped up in the visual way your lines are laid out.

Melissa Bradley said...

This poem has just stunned me. It speaks volumes to my own pain and the pain of those that I've lost over the years. I think this is truly one of your best poems and hugs for sharing this. :)

Tracy said...

That was beautiful...I WAS the net once for a friend who wanted to committ suicide and she was so mad at me she hasn't spoken to me since despite my attempts to re-connect. I wouldn't change a thing but I do missher friendship.

Laurie Kolp said...

Ella- So many wise words in this, and you know I can relate to losing a friend that way. Life is like a carnival and we need to remember we can always get off the roller coaster and walk on smooth ground again (although at first things are a little shaky).

I hope you have a wonderful Easter.

Mama Zen said...

Really lovely and sad.

Shelly said...

Now I'm bawling. This is beautiful and sad. A couple hours ago, I learned that my good friend and my editor-for-hire past away suddenly.

RaShelle Workman said...

Lovely poem, Ella! It's been 5 years since I love someone I loved this way. The pain lessens, but doesn't go away.

Susie Clevenger said...

So sorry about your friend...loss leaves such deep scars..your poem addressed this so well

Jaycee DeLorenzo said...

Beautiful and very touching.

So sorry about your friend. :(

Cheryl Klarich said...

You really expressed the tightrope of life that challenges us to find the best balance we can.

We all need help to get through. There is always a hole in our hearts when a loved one leaves.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful poems.

Dave King said...

Genuinely sad. All true emotions truly expressed.

Misha Gericke said...

Wow. Beautifully written but incredibly sad poem. I'm so sorry about your friend.

Wanda said...

Well done Ellie. It is sad but I can relate to how life has on highs and lows. Have a happy Easter.

Margaret said...

"...we
don't
see
the
clown
cry"

Well done, words from the heart are always a gift, but this was done amazingly well. Thank you.

Ella said...

Margaret-Thank you! So aren't photos ;D

Wanda-Have a Happy Easter, too~
Thank you, yes, it is part of our journey, the highs and lows, but the bottom is not a place I want to visit. Sad...

Misha-Thank you, yes, I think we all can understand losing someone...you are kind.

Dave-Thank you, it was hard to write.

Cheryl-You are right! My memories of him were all happy, so it was hard to believe.

Jaycee-Thank you for your thoughts and for visiting me.

Susie-You are right about the deep scars!~ Thank you

RaShelle-I am sorry, you know this pain...it alters us! Thank you~

Shelly-I am so sorry! Don't go to Toads site and read the rest, everyone was crying, so touching!
Unless you need a good cry...just
a warning! I don't think I have ever seen a prompt bring so much raw emotion!

Thank you Mama Zen!

Laurie-Wonderfully said...yes, we do need to remember and think of others, too. I am sorry for your loss~

Tracy-Wow, to be someone's net and then be treated this way. I know you did the right thing. Someday he or she will see the light...
You are so brave! I admire the strength it took you (((hugs)))

Melissa-Thank you! I am sorry and sad for your losses. I think in that fragment, we can all relate.
I think it is important to share our feelings~ (((hugs)))

Audra-Thank you! It was a difficult write, but I needed to write it...if that makes sense...

Ella said...

Yvonne-Thank you, I'm sorry

rch-Thank you! It did blur the lines between carnival and circus. When I was younger the old carnivals did blur the lines...

Tracy Jo-Thank you, so well said..we do sometimes need sad!

Marian-It kind of does, doesn't it...
Thank you for such an unique prompt. I think everyone's poems touched upon a lot of sensitive subject matter! There was such an emotional response!

Thank you Christine!

turtlememoir-I am so sorry for you loss! It is so sad to lose one so close to you~ I can't imagine how big a hole that left in your heart!
So sorry... (((hugs)))

Alex-Yes, we do wonder, if we could of been. In this instant I could not be. I was at the opposite end of the country, but one wonders how he came to this awful place. I do believe the mind must snap, distort the view.

Kerry-Thank you, yes, it is tragic when one's life spins that far off course and hope ends~

Ella said...

Sherry-It was a difficult write, but we all have dealt or know someone that has or has attempted this.
Thank you, I am so sorry for your loss. It does make you wonder...
"what if" but remember there were a lot of other around that didn't see.
I am glad you have moved on to a different view...time does that.(((hugs)))

Bren-I am sorry, it touched so close to home! I think we always wonder, what if, but we have to know, sometimes we don't truly know their mindset. If this person was intent on the end, there is no way we can stop them.
They will continue to find another way. So sad and haunting! I am so sorry for your loss (((hugs)))

Herotomost said...

man...marian hit a nerve with this challenge because folks have been hammering 16 penny nails one handed with one whack...this is no exception. Painful, desperate, frustrating, and oooooooo so real. Hate to hear about these things, but one of the great things is the words that it inspires from your pen. Really good.

Ella said...

Thank you! It conjured up so many feelings~ YOU have an amazing way of saying things! I'll be by to visit you~

November Rain - k~ said...

Sad, but beautifully written.

Leovi said...

Wonderful poem, I would like a life journey full of light and color with intense emotions.