IDES of MARCH

Hart from Confessions of a Watery Tart proposed this fest. Winter has been long and brutal for most of us, I thought it might be fun to give this a go, as we say good-bye to the winter doldrums. Here is my prediction as a soothsayer; a seer of truth~

I have been graced with second sight; I know some of you doubt me, but I warn you to beware. Fear will arrive in your dietary habits, it begins this year~  Listen up naysayers...

The human race as you know it is changing, it is a slow, painless process at first.  Life as we know it is never, I say never going to be the same.  Vegans don't take offense, there are basic rules that our parents, grandparents taught us.  Yes, eat your vegetables, drink lots of water, eat a wide variety of foods and eat in moderation.  Death by Chocolate is coming, don't think of Battle of the Bulge, I'm not going there. I am talking about eating estrogen.  I can see you shaking your heads...  You are and you don't even know it.
Soy, has taken over our food supply; it is plant based estrogen.  It is in tuna, soup, peanut butter, candy, cookies, crackers, even my favorite Crystal Light soft drink, etc.  Fast food joints love to add this low price protein to their burgers and charge us the same prices. But BEWARE, the side effects could kill you...don't believe me...Google effects of soy...do it, I DARE you....   Tis true, you are eating it and probably have no clue; You might be fine for awhile, but soon, it will affect your thyroid or some other hormone. You will get brain fog, depressed and want to eat chocolate all day. You will turn into a ZOMBIE!

VEGANS mix up their diet, better than us!  They know about combining different foods, to equal complete proteins. Eventually the out come will be a society of brain fogged idiots.  L@@K around, you might recognize some already. People you know, who have changed, it is subtle at first. SEE, what happens is the thyroid is compromised, it needs something else, CHOCOLATE, to sooth it's wired n' tired soul.  The price of cacaos is going up; It is going to get ugly! Some of you may be immune, but most of us won't be.

BEWARE BARISTAS when you serve you Mochaccino, hot chocolate and frappes, with less coco. Marshmallow guns and pretzel rods maybe become weapons, in our local grocery stores!  Passion's promise, the food of the God's, this mind altering food like drug will be in full demand. Do you know how chocolate affects your brain. It calms you with serotonin, endorphins and anandamide. You will need about 25 lbs of chocolate, for these neurotransmitters to work right . Yes, that's right 25 lbs a day of chocolate to stay calm; EXPENSIVE and not so pretty for your waistline~


A society of Zombies going haywire, with brain fog and wanting chocolate, and the prices are going up.  I can't fore see an exact date, but I predict in about 3-5yrs the Chocolate War will begin.  You might want to be on the safe side and get your Easter candy now, before it gets ugly  that's all I'm saying~

Be sure to visit Hart and see what other bloggers have to share! This was all in fun,; no disrespect intended to chocoholics, vegans and anyone like myself allergic to soy~  This was plotted months before.

*Japan: Sending my thoughts n' prayers; I will look into what I can do to help~

Comments

DEZMOND said…
I'm guessing I will be the only survivor of the Chocolate War since I can easily survive without it :) I better start building me a nice little fortress to defend from the chocolate craving zombies when they attack :))
Sherry Blue Sky said…
Ellie, this is so freaking hilarious. I love it!!!!!
Colene Murphy said…
Hahahaha! Oh my...that was hilarious!
Ellie said…
Hehehehe...hilarious. But given I have a dairy intolerance and have a lot of soya milk, maybe I shouldn't be laughing!
Gabriela Lessa said…
Ah, the chocolate war.... Although, years later, it will be known as The Great (Tasting) War...
Holly Ruggiero said…
I’d post more but I have to run out now and buy my Easter candy.
Lynette Killam said…
Wow...that was great, Ellie! You must have had so much fun doing this one...I loved it! I wish I'd know about this event...would certainly have played along. I'm really glad I stopped by to visit today...:)

Lynette
Imagination Lane
LTM said…
good stuff here! Count me in on the chocolate war--and I read about some vegans poisoning themselves mistaking hemlock for parsley! zoikes! Beware... (spooky voice) <3
Gina said…
I am seriously afraid of soy! But chocolate... yes please!
N. R. Williams said…
I have visions now of catapults launching Easter bunnies at vegetarians. LOL, you are funny!
Nancy
N. R. Williams, The Treasures of Carmelidrium, Special .99 through April 30
Michael Di Gesu said…
Hi, Ella,

I'm new to your blog and followed. I loved your entry.... VERY funny, and since I am already a chocoholic I will have to stashing from the other crazies out there. lol.

Thanks for the laugh,

Michael
Don't we already have a society of zombies? It's called Congress.

A really fun entry. I dark chocolate was my enemy! Roland
I too thought this hilarious, a good entry.

Yvonne.
alberta ross said…
I'm finding a hiding place until it's all over - I don't need the chocolate but no one will beleive it
Hart Johnson said…
*shivers* Death by soy?! Oi! This was too cute, though I read a real warning in there... Very nice, Ellie!
M Pax said…
Have they invented chocolate covered soy yet? I'm sure it exists. Love the pretzel rods as weapons. lol Enjoyed this a lot.
Draven Ames said…
Hahahaha zombie chocolate eaters unite! I wish I could eat chocolate. Interesting prediction. You know, no diet is good if you only use one thing. Everything has to be mixed up. Eventually, anything can effect our health. I loved your original take.

Draven Ames
http://dravenames.blogspot.com/
Jules said…
LOL...You are a nut! Good entry but you know chocolate is getting harder to find and my eggs are GONE :)
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow
Mary Vaughn said…
I'm in deep trouble. I can stash it but it won't stay hidden long. Sad really since I live alone.

GigglesandGuns
Trisha said…
Hahaha, I loved this. I must admit I'd quite look forward to the chocolate war, and yet...if peole take my chocolate away from me there will be HELL TO PAY. :P
Helena said…
OMG, that explains the fogged-out people I saw drooling in the Easter chocolate section of the grocery store -- they were zombies! I tried throwing vegetables at them but was too late...

Your story is really fun!
Yikes!! I was getting worried there for a while!!
You're such a good creative writer. :)
maytorres72 said…
"Marshmallow guns and pretzel rods maybe become weapons" That made me laugh! Great entry.
Laura Eno said…
Now I want chocolate for breakfast. *sigh* No doubt, I will be one of those chocolate-eating zombies. Pass me a marshmallow gun, will ya?
Gun! I mean, fun!
Arlee Bird said…
This all sounds pretty ominous with a lot of truth to it. Most everyone seems to be taking it rather lightly. But actually I can see the chocolate thing happening in a few years. I think this post is very perceptive.

Lee
Tossing It Out
very clever... YOU are so funny... I went and googled ... soy.. I love chocolate ... I gave it up for lent....I am posted.. for mine thanks for the heads up.
Ella said…
Lisa-YOU are strong! I will be by; Thanks!

Lee-Thanks Lee, a man of reason! Yes, there is a lot of truth in this post. Estrogen in our diet, can wreck havoc on the body, male n' females. Everything in moderation, but one doesn't realize they are ingesting, so much. Scary~ Thanks Lee~

Laura-Hot chocolate is always good! I'm passing it; here catch! lol

maytorres72-One never knows! Yes, weapons in the grocery store...who knew! lol

Scarlett-It is still something we need to be more aware of. It can cause healthy issues, if ingested too much. When one doesn't even know they are eating it, it is an area of concern!

Helena-You crack me up; I can't wait to go grocery shopping tomorrow. I will hit produce first and the stuffed animal section. Items to toss at the Zombies. Worse case scenario, I will toss a large container of Malted Melt Balls. They will roll like marbles and have them scrabbling! lol Thank-you~

Trisha-Just hoard it, while you can! You need an emergency supply! lol

Mary-I can relate; I buy most of it and tuck it away. My Zombies, I mean family is already showing signs!

Jules-I noticed the prices have gone up, especially the specialty bars. You know the ones with the antioxidants, over 60% cacao. I bet they didn't last long ;-D

Draven-Thank you for stopping by; sorry you can't eat it. I have to eat the sugar free type; it isn't the same! YOU are so right~

M Pax-Yes, I saw it the other day in a can of nuts! I think it was ironic, since it drives me nuts, when I eat it. I get hives, facial swelling and anxiety. It does have some health benefits, but not for me~ It will be fun to go grocery shopping and watching the chocolate aisle...lol Thank you~

Hart-Yes, there is so truth in this post! YOU are so right!~ Thanks for being our gracious, hilarious host! It was soooo fun~
Ella said…
Hart-I meant to say "some truth"!

Alberta-You don't know that yet...

Jan-Death by chocolate; I do think it would be more bittersweet~

Yvonne-Thank-you; I'm glad you stopped by! Be on guard in the candy aisle! lol

Roland-There is some truth there! They might need CPR-Chocolate Persuasion Recovery! lol

Michael-Yes, we need to start hoarding now! Make sure to get the marked down Easter candy and buy 100% coco powder. We want to get our share, before the word is out! lol Thanks ;-D

Nancy-You are funny; I can see it happening! I think we would have to toss a lot at them to get away. Perhaps carob would throw them off for a bit...tee,hee

Gina-YOU are on my team! Yes, more chocolate please~ lol

Leigh-Seriously, that is scary! I think we will see more n' more Zombies! Start hoarding chocolate now...lol

Lynette-It was sooo fun! I wanted to make it funny. Thyroid disease can turn you into a Zombie. I know I use to be one...lol

Holly-lol, run Holly run...toss Bridge Mix as a last resort!

Gabriela-I so agree, but those who are allergic to it or just don't like it are going to be in trouble. Perhaps they will make a chocolate pill or shot. Yes, it would be tasty~ lol
Ella said…
Ellie-You can always switch to Almond or Rice milk, if you start to see symptoms. Brain fog, lethargic, depressed, couch potato, just blah...
There are more, but those are the major ones~
Keep your eyes open wide, when you shop!

Colene-Thank you so much; I'm glad you stopped by!
I will visit you soon and I'll bring chocolate~

Sherry-Get the pretzel rods ready. Load them first in your grocery cart. YOU can always sprinkle coco powder on them, if it gets ugly!
Aim for the nose n' eyes..lol

Dez-Wow you are immune;I'm so jealous. I can see your fort, now. I know where to go now... lol!
DEZMOND said…
who says I'd let you into my fort??? :) If you're not immune to chocovirus, I'm not letting you spread contagion around my realm :)))
Ella said…
Dez-lol I can't eat the real stuff, I already have thyroid disease and I read labels. ;-D
You wouldn't even know what is to come, if it wasn't for my sight! Come on...I will make popcorn, I have a blue-ray, and we can enjoy all those movies! Please,NO Zombie flicks, while we are in hiding~
RosieC said…
Hahaha! Awesome. Thanks for the vegan shout-out. I try to keep the soy out of my diet, too, along with many other things, like meat *cough* The ideao f zombies going after chocolate and not brains cracks me up. Thanks! :)
Ella said…
Rosie-Thanks, I'm afraid I saw a few today. They looked dazed and confused in the coffee aisle.
You know the ones that park their cart in the middle of the aisle, so no one on either side can get by. I think I'm off, I think 2yrs and it will be a feeding frenzy...lol!
Isabel Doyle said…
clever and good fun and oh a little too prophetic - maybe? replace soy with the current poison
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