Poets United-3rd letter in your Name

 Poets United prompt #62 is the 3rd letter of your name.  L is what I have to work with; there are a lot of great l words.  I just want to say, before anyone reads this, it is dark, not my normal style. I had a great childhood; life changed when my Dad died, while I was in college. This is when normal flew out the window and never returned. I did rebuild it, when I moved away, married and built a new life, but it tarnished me. Life does this to all of us; we all have patina, scars and tears.

Brain bound by wrought iron gate
barracades me
Exposing frail worn view
fermented thoughts arrive like a flock of crows
Questions arise in my now
resurgence of bile,
rotting moments frozen in time
my Memory only fossil left;
Imprinted disgust brews
dank, stale ale saturates the mood
must walk through Door again
Funeral march plays in my head
Who died?
pieces of many living souls
Who was buried?
Rose colored glasses
must walk among the living
Function, but not whole
Torn inside out
No one can hear me wail
 sea wind echos my voice
 fog horns say it in their cries


Deborah said…
You describle that painfully well
'fermented thoughts arrive like a flock of crows' brilliant, and the last line says it all!
Ellie, sorry that was such a rough time in your life. It would've devastated me.
Daydreamertoo said…
Deep, filled with vivid pictures of a painful time.
We can only reach a certain age before we begin to lose those we love, and as we accept and grow from that, it can and does, change us.
Lovely writing.
Very poignantly soulful. Your wailing reminds me of a loss I incurred here only recently. How life changes when you've lost a loved one......
Mary said…
I am sure it was so hard for you to have your dad die when you were in college. WAY too young to lose a parent. Some losses one has a hard time recovering from, I know.
RaShelle said…
Gorgeous poem! Fantastic pic, too.
Wonderful poem and picture, I wouldn't know off hand what I could write with my third letter of my name"O". Excellently written.

Donna said…
I lost my dad to cancer about the same age. Your poem hit the mark. His death changed me in ways some good some bad.
Doctor FTSE said…
We conclude your Dad died before his time - you were at College - so it would seem doubly sad. Powerful poem.
Wanda said…
Very powerful prose Ellie. I love the line who died? pieces of many living souls.
Old Ollie said…
there is no escaping L, eh Ella?
Jinksy said…
Made me wonder about the recurring 'b' words throughout. Have you really given us an alternative name/letter choice, or is it unrelated coincidence?
Ella said…
Wow Jinksy-you are right, it is unrelated, perhaps. I do have to admit lately life is a B. Strange how this appeared...You have a good eye!

Ollie-Yeah, we were bound to be stuck with L. All 3 of my names, Ellen, Ellie and Ella...lol! Nice to know I'm not alone :D

Wanda-Thanks, yes, I do think a piece of us dies when we lose someone we love. I see fragments of his soul in my children. They never met or knew him...

Doctor FTSE-Yes, years ago, but with my Mom moving in, they are reopening this time period. It brings up memories, the good, bad and ugly. She became ill, shortly after, so it was a triple punch. Then two months later, his father(my grandfather) died, repeat funeral, family all still grieving. Now son and father are gone... I have scars~ Thank you!

Donna-I'm sorry for your loss; it did the same to me! He was the funny one in the family, the life of the party. My Dad spoke to me, I was up in the middle of the night coughing. Then two hours later dead. He had a massive coronary, nothing anyone could do.
They say it is the best way to go, in your sleep. xXx

Yvonne-You could do it, optimistic, would be a start! I know you could...xXx

RaShelle-Thank you; it is on a napkin. I thought someone would notice! I transferred the image over. I thought it fit the poem~

Mary-Yes, some losses take a piece of our souls with them and we are never the same. I think for me, I didn't have time to grieve, between work, commuting to college, college, my family. I had moments, but didn't really finish grieving, till college was over. I also grieved for my Mom, who never was the same, after his death. She was forever changed. I felt like I lost both my parents. xXx

Rose-I am so sorry to hear that; I hope you deal with your grief and allow it to happen. They now say 5 steps, when I went through it there were 7. Do try to allow yourself to feel what you do and don't fight it~

Daydreamertoo-Yes, it alters our view quite a bit! I suppose this is why I try to create, have fun with my free time. Life is too short; we need more joy in our world~ Thank you!

Alex-Thank you; we all face some kind of trauma, shock, loss. I just wish he had been older. He loved life~ He never said, I'm sick of this world, why am I here...never! He was full of it, too ;D Life I mean~

Deborah-Thank you, you are sooo kind! Yes, pain is easier to paint, than joy. Maybe it is me...I don't want it to be that way, but it is...
Anonymous said…
Sorry to hear of this troubling time in your life. My wife lost her father at the age of twelve. But a great husband can help mend the loss.
Anonymous said…
"like a flock of crows"
Yes, it is just like that. Perfect description.
Ellie Garratt said…
Mr. G lost his mother at 16, so I know how traumatic this loss must have been. Power poem.
LTM said…
oh my gosh. That was so misty and evocative and beautiful... I love it; although I'm sorry for your loss.

it's a beautiful poem~ :ox <3
Carol Kilgore said…
I love this poem. It's sad, haunting, and comforting at the same time.
Ella said…
Thank you Carol; I am glad you liked it~ I like your words :D

Leigh-Thank you; it was a long time ago. Time really doesn't heal, it just blurs the focus and as life marches on the pain isn't as sharp. <3 555

Yes Ellie, it creates a void in one's life. So many important milestones you can't share~xXx

Scarlett-Thank you; yes a dark shadow that lingers~

Stephen-I'm glad you could fill that void, for your wife~
Sherry Blue Sky said…
Really powerful, Ellie. Poignant, and wrenching at the end - wailing by the sea, the foghorn sounding Lost. Wow. Really great writing. We must email about all that is going on.....soon.
Ella said…
Thank you Sherry; I was thinking about you today ;D xXx