Stillness.Silence.Solitude and The Nautilus

I am sorry I have been away-I had a bad allergy reaction.  I thought about going to the ER, but the thought of it gave me more anxiety.  I started to feel better, after some mega doses of Benadryl and lots of sleep.   After, the anxiety left and my hives faded,  a sinus infection decided to pay me a visit.  My anxiety started with a food related allergy.  Damn soy-it is in everything!  I am trying to keep a journal of what I eat-so I will be more aware.  Sometimes I think eating out is like playing a high stakes gambling game, in Las Vegas.   Yeah, I know I lost big time!

My husband and family were watching scary movies-so I hung out in other corners of the house. Sometimes the music alone would give me that nails on chalkboard feel.  It probably didn't help I was reading a book that fueled my anxiety further and yet I couldn't put it down.   Oh, you want to know which book?   This one-at times made me feel like I was being punched in the gut.  I had to put it away-but I was entranced in the story and had to go peek.  And more peeking lead me to continue.  The whole past week has been a dizzy dance.  I hope you are doing well-I have missed you!  

Yesterday my daughter convinced me to go with her to mall. We needed to finish up her her back to school shopping.  What a trip-I was discussing an idea I have to do an online class.   I was using a fake crow to demonstrate-let's just say I was caught making a fool out of myself.  I'm okay with it-I mean if I decide to go down this path-I can't let that stop me.   I asked my daughter,  "Do I embarrass you?"   She told me, I was her best friend and she loves me just the way I am.  The only thing that wears her out a bit-is my rambling idea list.  Maybe I will learn to edit myself-just a bit!

Margaret gave us a challenge to write a poem about a piece of art which reflected the mood of this artistic interpretation:

Stillness. Silence. Solitude.

 I love these three words-so not part of my world, but I do love having quiet time to reflect, to write, to work through a creative idea. 

Edvard Munch "The Girl in the Window" (detail) 1893

"For as long as I can remember I have suffered from a deep feeling of anxiety which I have tried to express in my art.”
- Edvard Munch

Woman on the Verandah, 1924 -by Edvard Munch

  When I have anxiety I crave these three S's. 

Sloth Dance

Sloth like
I wish to escape
only hear ocean's heart
entwined with mine
in blueness I linger
salty white caps nudge me
 towards huge water lapping thoughts
drifting in n' out of blue n' gold
 my thumping head tosses in my storm
 floating arms embrace me
Tiny dots of light dance
as dawn's secret breaks and drapes
silver strands of wonder
sunlight tickles my toes inviting me to
follow sandy carpet towards
treasure mapped hope

© Ellen Wilson

I want to give a shout out to Adam Champion!  If you get a chance to visit him-he is a talented poet who has started a facebook page called Independent Poetry Society!  He likes to share poems, feature poetic blogs and holds contests.  He hopes to publish other poets(the winners of his poetry contests) in an annual poetry journal.  He was so kind and featured my Iris Romance poem. I am sorry Adam for the delay!   Adam is in the Army and writes poetry-he is very talented!  If you get a chance stop by and like his page or offer a kind word!  We all need feedback~
Thank you Adam it was a true honor to be selected and thank you for your service to our country and tell your family thank you, too!

Over in the Garden, Hedgewitch inspired us to write a Fib poem-I thought about the sea and my anxiety and went along the same lines as my above poem.

 "Fib is an experimental Western poetry form,…based on the Fibonacci sequence. The typical fib is a six line, 20 syllable poem with a syllable count by line of 1/1/2/3/5/8 - with as many syllables per line as the line's corresponding place in the Fibonacci sequence... The only restriction on a Fib is that the syllable count follow the Fibonacci sequence…"

It was suggested we could write free verse and do a word count instead of syllables.
 I am the Nautilus shell in the storm.


spiral inwards
silver eye threaded
tiny dots of light dance
white caps toss me a treasured beacon glow

escape storm
salty white caps 
of you linger tossing me
light dances as home's golden drapes open wide

over me
dolphins toss me
 towards dawn's timeless movie stage
golden ratio reveals strands of hope's timeless treasure

deep blue
wonder loses me
waves gently sing a lullaby
love revealed in silver strands of moonlit serenade

© Ellen Wilson


If sloth really could dance, I'd want to see a video of it.
Really sorry you had such a bad allergic reaction! Hives are no fun. Been there done that. No more stress. Tell your husband you need to just stay home an be quietly creative all day.
Mary said…
Wow, that is what I call a true 'catch - up post.' And I love that Sloth Dance! Hope you are feeling better now as well. And keep your ideas coming!! Smiles.
:-) it's lovely. loved going through your post. be in best health and spirit .
Sam Edge said…
From Sam Edge to Ella's Edge - love the poem your Fib stanzas are cool in form and content!
hedgewitch said…
Gosh Ella--how awful! I'm glad to hear you are feeling better.

That's a great quote by Munch, and in a full life of work and hassle, we all can relate I think to how alien solitude becomes, and how attractive.
Your fibonacci verse was right on the money--I especially liked 'dawn's timeless movie stage..' that really was a visual! Thanks so much for participating, Ella.
Brian Miller said…
your daughters words made me smile...that is awesome...i like your beachy verse up top too....the rhythm of the ocean exists in my heart...would not mind a bit of sand on my toes either...smiles....nice work on the fib as well...smiles...
Sherry Blue Sky said…
Yes, you definitely did a catch-up post. What I loved best - your daughter's words to you. How wonderful is that?!
Mark Koopmans said…
Wow, I agree, you've done an awesome job catching us up:)

Hope you're feeling better - it looks like it - your poetry is really good :)

Take care, be well and enjoy whatever downtime you can scrounge :)
Grace said…
This is a treat Ella ~ I like the sloth dance and wonderful calming fibs inspired poems ~

I have connected with Adam as well ~

Have a wonderful weekend ~
L. Diane Wolfe said…
The last poem is beautiful.

My husband got hives right after we moved to ABQ and he had to go to the emergency room and get a shot. It worked though.

I'm sorry you're allergic to soy. You couldn't eat what I eat then.
Anonymous said…
Ella - sounds like you've been through the mill lately (as well as to the mall). Feel better! Your poetry hasn't suffered. The sloth poem reminded me of the reactions of several family members to stress--it felt very honest and yet fanciful at once and your Fib worked well to capture that buildup and release with the sequence restarting and the waves. Thanks. k.
Kerry O'Connor said…
What a wonderfully generous posting of thoughts, pictures and words, Ella. I felt a deep sense of peace while reading your Fibonacci sequences.
Lolamouse said…
Sorry you've had such a rough time! Hang in there, girl! Your daughter is a real treasure, Ella.
I love sloths, and your poem made me smile. I'll definitely check out the site you mentioned as well. Take care.
Marian said…
gosh, Ella, i hope you are feeling better, hang in there. xo
grapeling said…
that sloth dance got me, too, Ella. Hope you're feeling better ~ M
you're allergic to soy? Oh, how terrible! It really is in everything, and so very important ...
Beachanny said…
So lovely - you capture the sea, and all the while keep your three "S's". It is beautifully constructed like a painting with those highlights of gold and silver - water and light - clarity and shadow. A true work of art.
jabblog said…
I loved this whole post and your fib seemed to sum up all the anxieties of recent times. It was pleasing to see that calm won through in the end.
I hope you're feeling better.
Kay L. Davies said…
I love the feeling in the last two verses, Ella, the calm and the hope...and I do hope you are recovering. You know I understand how helpless it feels to be ill, so my thoughts are with you.
I love the sea imagery in your Fibonacci series, such tranquillity and beauty, so soothing :)
Helen said…
Each poem is incredibly beautiful. What an amazing collection .. I'm blown away. Take care and stay away from those restaurants.
Mama Zen said…
Oh, Ella! It sounds like you've had a really rough time. I have celiac disease, so I know just what you mean about eating out being a gamble.

I love Sloth Dance. Really gorgeous.
humbird said…
Oh Ella, you have a lot of suffering in your life...I'd suggest you to eat
in quiet place, with no noise or TV, before do 5-10 minutes meditation with deep breathing. Allergy pretty much connected with emotions of fear.

Beautiful poem, love it very much!
Yolanda Renee said…
So glad you're feeling better - I know all about allergies and trying to avoid the ER - Bendryl does help but all those other symptoms have no easy fix.

Your poetry is beautiful - creativity is at maximum. Most children learn to edit us out early! :)
Renee said…
Hope this finds you feeling better! Love the catch up post. The Sloth poem was amazing, the Fib poem is intriguing. Keep it coming.
Susie Clevenger said…
Sloth I can't really imagine. :) You have caught up with the challenges with such amazing poetry.
Misha Gericke said…
So sorry to hear about your allergic reaction, but glad that you're okay.

Here's hoping you find a bit of rest and peace.
Ella said…
Hi Misha-Thank you! I really have to be more cautious~ I'm working on it-you are very kind :D

Susie-The dance was me tossing and turning in bed-no fun! Thank you :D
I am happy to be back to my normal~

Renee-Thank you! I hope you have a fabulous week ;D I am working on it, lol!

Yolanda-Thank you! Sorry you know this dance! Thank you so much :D
Yes, my daughter does edit me a lot. When we go grab Iced coffee and shop-I have a captive audience-tee,hee. You are sweet~ @>------
I loved your poem ;D

Humbird-Thank you! I will try this-mmh, this explains a lot! I do have a lot of fear these days-a lot of changes in my life. Thank you I will give it a try :D
Thank you so much~
Wanda said…
Sorry to hear you have been having a rough time. Love those last few lines. You paint beautifully with words.
Vicki Sheehan said…
nice have a way with words. hope you're feeling better : )
Ella said…
Hi Vicki-Thank you! I am getting there. I just need to eat like a cave woman-lol ;D

Wanda-Thank you! I have had it happen before. I will have to learn to be more cautious~ :D

Nick Wilford said…
You have a knack for weaving a mood with words - lovely stuff. Glad you're feeling better.
Ella said…
Hi NICK! Thank you- It is a mood I hope not to visit again anytime soon~ I hope you are doing well-thank you :D

Ella said…
Sorry I have had internet issues today!

Mama Zen-I am sorry to hear this~ It is autoimmune isn't it~

Helen-Thank you so much! Yes, I will be good and cook at home :D

Loredana-Thank you :D I do have a fondness for the sea~

Kay-I am sorry you know~ Thank you!
We all can use calm n' hope :D

Jabblog-Thank you so much! :D I am~

Ella said…
Beachanny-I use to paint ;D
I want to try again-thank you so much!

Dezzy-I get allergy symptoms. It cause my thyroid to go into hyper mode which creates more anxiety-not fun! Yes, it difficult-I cook a lot!

Grapeling-Thank you! I think we all have had our time with the Sloth Dance :D

Marian-Thank you! Oh, I haven't forgotten the custard recipe. You know the Grapenut dance ;D I will share on FB

Lolamouse-Thank you! Yes, she is! I bet yours is too ;D Thank you so much~ I prefer to be a book or movie sloth~

Kerry-Thank you! I am glad you felt calm :D The sea does this for me~

Manicddaily-Thank you-it was like you described-real and raw~ Thank you for your kind words :D

L.Diane-Thank you! I can have a bit in a blue moon, but I do have to be cautious~ Sorry about hubby-I am glad he went! I am not sure if it would help me-it throws my meds off. I appear fine other than the anxiety and hives.

Grace-Thank you! Yes, Adam is a generous soul. I am glad you liked it~ :D

Mark-Thank you :D Yes, I am scrounge up random moments-you know how that goes!

Sherry-Thank you! Yes, it was wonderful-a gift~ :D

Brian-Thank you! I know I want sand between my toes, too! Nothing like the sandy shore :D

Hedge-Thank you! I loved your challenge and enjoyed writing about the sea. I am better-I do think we all know and need solitude-just not in long doses :D

Sam-YOU really know how to bring the edge! ;D Thank you~

Ella said…
Celestial Dreamz-Thank you so much :D
You are kind

Mary-Thank you! Yes, we all know a sloth dance :D It is nice to be back-phew

Alex-I am sorry you know this feeling! Yes, a sloth dances in bed twisting and turning the blankets-lol
Thanks Alex it is a great idea ;D
Poet Laundry said…
Aw, I am sorry for all you've been going through! Your daughter sounds like a wonderful young lady, you've obviously been raising her right. I have struggled with anxiety and insomnia and sleeping meds...ugh...I feel your pain a bit. I especially like your last fibonacci...beautiful piece.
Ella said…
Hi Poet Laundry! I am sorry to hear this. Thank you~ I hope you are feeling better! It is hard to see your life freeze up and be exhausted. You are kind I hope and pray you are doing better! :D