IWSG

It is the first Wednesday of the month, a time to share our  insecurities or perhaps remind you- we all swim in the same sea of doubt.   Alex Cavanaugh is the founder of the Insecure Writer's Support Group.  You can find out more about us, here.  






Support from others means the world!  Being a creative soul is a difficult dance-a spiral inward and sometimes those we love do not understand our need and desire to create.  I am writing more and more lately, but not sure what it is going to amount to.  Maybe it will just be a page of wet rain-like a damp blanket.  I have dealt with a lot over the past few months and I am still suffering the effects.  I lost my hair in a freak accident-I had to shave my head.  The crazy is I didn't cry.  Jokes were made and people who know my truth call me Sinead and sing the song, Nothing Compares to You.   I went about my day, but it did bother me.  I felt like Sampson when Delilah convinced him to cut his hair.  I felt zapped.  I felt worse when I went in public wearing hats, to hide my misfortune.  Kids pointed, stared at me and whispered, "that lady is bald."  Adults looked at me and  turned away.  They didn't want to think about that.  The other day four men tried to help me when I dropped a jar of nuts on the floor, a  lady let me go ahead of her in the check out line, another lady at the deli gave me her order-mine was the same as hers.  She over heard and said take mine-  I said, "No thank you, I'm fine."   But no one believes me- I try to do the same, open more doors, smile big and be kind, but when I come home I am dizzy with guilt.  I am now doing random acts of kindness daily to ease the burden I feel, but I worry-I might have cancer.  I have a mole, that looked like a butterfly and now looks like a heart with bumps. I called to make an appointment.  I worry my hair will grow back and I will have to shave it again.   I am teased I look like Bieber's aunt.  The swirl of life's dance enters our creativity no matter what.  I have tried to rise above this, but sometimes I feel sad.  I am creating more art, writing more poems, but I question myself more-and haven't shared.


  It is with our creative fingerprints we can make our mark-offer someone insight to kindness, battle demons and ride into each others dreams on a white knight, or fight zombies with bated breath.
 You are unique, special -even if others don't see it!  Even if you fly below the radar, wear an invisibility shield-you are not alone on this creative quest!  It takes time and we have to steal moments in our day and plant our dreams in words, paint and ideas. It is our soul dancing, even when others can't see.   All of this is worth it and remember,  nothing compares to you, nothing compares to YOU!

Comments

Sorry you had to shave your hair. I bet you look great even bald. Just keep hats handy because it is still cold outside.
D.G. Hudson said…
Wishing very hard that that mole is nothing to worry about. But if you have a need for support, we will be here.

Hats are made to enliven our look. You would wear them well, and I'd ignore rude people who stare. Don't let strangers ruin your day. Smile and make them wonder.
L. Diane Wolfe said…
It's not the big C. Just keep telling yourself that.

Put on a hat, go out, and just ignore the world.
Sherry Blue Sky said…
You say it all when you write "it is our soul dancing even when others cant see". What I can tell you, from all the years I spent putting everyone else's needs first, and feeling badly that I wasnt writing when I knew I should be, is that now that I AM writing, daily, I am happy, it feels right. Keep doing it, Ellie, no matter what. You have many gifts which need to be expressed. Your soul has the right to dance. Do see about the mole and I hope it is not serious. I am way sorry about the hair as that is traumatic. Hope it grows back fast. I loved your share today. All of us who so admire and appreciate your talent support you.
Johanna Garth said…
I bet you look beautiful even when it starts to grow back with a tiny stubble. Wear it with pride and just keep writing all those feelings to see what comes of it.
M Pax said…
I hope you're worrying for nothing. Worrying is my specialty. :)
Liza said…
Hope that everything works out for you. Be strong. I can tell you already are.
Brian Miller said…
sorry you had to shave your hair...but hey the woman on star trek did not look bad bald...i tried bald for a time...it was a lot of work shaving every other day...i hope it grows back in full and lush....
Ella said…
Hi Brian-It is growing I look like a Chia pet-lol! It isn't all gray so I am okay-I do miss feeling my hair swing and it is cold without the helmet of hair! Yes, I would imagine shaving everyday would be a pain! I bet you rocked this look ;D

Liza-Thank you! Yes, I am tough. You are very kind~

M Pax-We might be related then! Thank you~ I wish there was a cure for that worrywart stuff.

Johanna-You are sweet! I feel like I am on some Zen type of journey-thank you I will!

Sherry-Thank you! I am so happy you are soul dancing and being you~
It is a difficult to find our way and others do take advantage sometimes. I see it in my spiral-
You are very talented and need to keep putting your stories and magic down on the page! You have a gift and should be published~

L.Diane-Thank you! I will-life is too short-to hide at home!

DG-Thank you! I love hats-but my hair was what framed my chipmunk face. I will do just that- I remember you do love hats! ;D Thank you!

Alex-I do have a good shaped head, but now I look even more like an elf. Thank you-yes it is still cold enough for me to hide under a huge hat-lol!

Caffe Maggieato said…
Sorry to hear about the hair but lovely post. Little acts of kindness make living worthwhile and writing is always good. Hope you get good news with the doc appointment. Good luck!
Renee said…
Hang in there, just like Samson it'll grow back thick and luxurious! I hope the mole turns out to be nothing serious, get it checked out so you can relax. Hugs!
Chris said…
Hi Ella, just stopping by to say how delightful your blog is. Thanks so much for sharing. I have recently found your blog and am now following you, and will visit often. Please stop by my blog and perhaps you would like to follow me also. Have a wonderful day. Hugs, Chris
http://chelencarter-retiredandlovingit.blogspot.ca/
Beautiful song, and a true statement. I hope and pray that your health is renewed and you get to grow back your hair and keep it. Hugs.
Wanda said…
Believe positive thoughts my dear. Beautiful brave you.
Arlee Bird said…
I like your attitude of acceptance. It's the best way to go. Worrying and boo-hooing about life doesn't make problems go away and it doesn't really make us or those around us feel any better.

I used to take a lot of pride in my hair. Now that it's gone I realize my hair is not who I am--and I save money on hair care products.

Stay well and happy.

Lee
Wrote By Rote
An A to Z Co-host blog

Cynthia said…
I'm sorry to hear that you had to shave your hair. I still imagine you being the lovely woman that you are.

Hang in there, and when those anxious thoughts come, I hope you can locate a cherished memory, one where you were free of worry and full of joy, and just let that replace the tension you feel inside.
DEZMOND said…
we is all special :) But then again, if we are all special, than being special isn't special :)
Ella said…
Dezzy-We all have our own special gifts ;D I see what you mean!

Cynthia-Thank you! I'm still me, even though when I glance in a window or mirror I don't recognize myself. Thank you your sentiment was beautiful! xo

Arlee-You are funny! I know I say I am $aving, too. I do miss it, though. It frames our face and it was sudden-oh, well I will buy lots of cute hats ;D Thank you~

Wanda-Thank you! I have missed you-I will stop by~ You always encourage us to look again and see things with fresh eye~ Thank you!

Susie Clevenger said…
Ella, so sorry about your hair loss. Keep being you,keep writing, keep doing art...we creatives are loners even when we are surrounded by people...You are an inspiration to me.
I hope the mole turns out to be nothing bad. Good luck, and take care!
manicddaily said…
I had an accident involving my hair once--it was very painful and kind of terrible. IN my case it was a clump that was uprooted, but I worried for a long time about it showing - and it did also hurt.

Much later, I did have super short--basically shaved--hair--but that was in the early 80's--kind of popular but a very strange experience too!

And now I wear it short beause it's so measly--and people do act strange! All so crazy. But a great deal is tied up in our sense of how we are supposed to look and it can really shake us up to have that radically changed. Thanks. k .
Ella said…
Thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart-you all touched my soul. I will be by soon. I have to go save Lady Gaga-Prom gown shopping!
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