BE STILL

For Christmas I received a class called BE STILL-52.   It is a class about photography and finding calm by Kim Klassen.
YOU can see Kim's work here!   She is so talented-her photos have this ethereal quality, calmness and charm.

  I am sharing my first assignment.  Each week for 52 weeks of the year I will share a photo.  I am trying to find more calm in my world-so I hope to reflect this in my photos.  

Honestly,  I am a bit overwhelmed.  I don't have any professional editing software.  Right now, I am using  PicMonkey.   I  like all of their options and easy access,  but I can see many of the class members have taken her classes before or have the software I want to own-someday. Some members are professionals.   Then I think it doesn't matter-it is a learning process and we all have to start somewhere.  

My word for  2015 is BOLD.   I like to be creative, but I struggle putting myself out there.  It goes back to the bullying days of my youth.  I see these bullies on FB and I can still hear their taunts.  I was bullied in elementary, middle school and my so called friend in high school said rotten things about a group of girls and when she was cornered told them, I did it.   Six mean, bruiting Tomboy- like girls torturing me down the halls of my high school.  I didn't know my so called friend did this, but I found out.  

 No wonder-I am an introvert!  

Long story short-with all the school comments about my art, starting at 4th grade on up.  I feel panicked to share myself, sometimes.  I recently watched a documentary about Vivian Maier's photos.   She kept her creative side hidden-how sad.  It takes a lot of gumption and guts to put yourself out there, be open to ridicule, and insidious comments.  

 Most of the time our art reflects our inner world, our memories, our thoughts, our opinions-it is difficult to express how much we are tangled in our creativity.  'L@@k at me',  is part of the process.  I struggle with this part.  I worry will I come off like I am bragging if I was published.    I can feel my inner child cringe, when I share my art, my news, and sometimes my poems.   It does gets easier- the more we do it.  I know no one is immune, when we hit publish, share a snapshot, share our book-any facet of ourselves is a risk.   I know I need a stronger backbone.   Any thoughts or where I can get one?!


bold
bōld/
adjective
  1. 1.
    (of a person, action, or idea) showing an ability to take risks; confident and courageous.
    "a bold attempt to solve the crisis"
    synonyms:daringintrepidbravecourageousvaliant, valorous, fearless,dauntlessaudaciousdaredevilMore

  2. 2.
    (of a color or design) having a strong or vivid appearance.
    "a coat with bold polka dots"

noun
  1. 1.
    a bold typeface or letter.
    "difficult words and phrases are highlighted in bold"



How do you feel when you share?   Do you feel too 

exposed-sometimes?!



I would love to hear your thoughts on how to handle your 

inner doubt.   Damn,those demons that still follow us 

through childhood and haunt us.  




 “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

                                                          - Anaïs Nin




Comments

Those are wonderful, Ella! Don't doubt your ability. And you are never bragging.
You can 'rent' Adobe PhotoShop from the Adobe Cloud for twenty dollars a month.
Sherry Blue Sky said…
BOLD is a good word....and an artist as talented as you are need never fear putting your work out there. Your work is breathtaking, original and has an impact on we who enjoy it. Actually, the blogosphere is what helps us develop confidence as, for the most part, people are so supportive and encouraging. Those bullies are likely doing very little with their lives and look at you - doing art and published in magazines! Yay, you! I like forward to watching what you do this year, kiddo. Be Bold. Or if you dont feel all that bold - be you. That is more than enough!!!!!
Nick Wilford said…
I agree - the photos adorning this blog are beautiful!

I know what you mean about being bold. I struggle to put myself out there in any sense, so exposing something that is so personal as our art - it's scary but it needs to be done. You never know if people like it, but works of creation should be shared!
Mary Ann Potter said…
These are beautiful photos. You commented about editing software; I think PicMonkey is one of the best. I have Photoshop Elements, and I have purchased Topaz Plug-ins for it, but I use PicMonkey just as much.
Gail said…
These are great and should be paraded for all to see. If these are your first by the end of the year you will be knocking the world on it's, uh, ear.
Your photos are great though I'm no where close to an expert.
I've always been a pretty confident person except when it comes to my writing. Then, just like you, I worry about putting it out there.
L. Diane Wolfe said…
Be bold now. Your photos and artwork are beautiful.

An aunt taught me how to paint when I was younger and it only took one harsh sentence from my mother for me to give it up completely.
This post resonates with me so much Ellen. I am super protective of my artistic side, so much so that many people in my personal life know very little about my blog and my published work. I am afraid they won't"get me" so I keep it hidden as if I had a secret side. You've inspired me to be more vocal about my artistic side...it's such a huge part of who we are and we need to share it with the world.

Thanks so much for this post...truly love it!

XO
Abby

Mary said…
Never sell yourself short, Ella. I have always looked at your photographs and enjoyed your photographer's eye. You ARE good!
Cynthia said…
Ella, Happy New Year. First, I think by sharing your private thoughts here and opening yourself up to the universe, you are showing you have backbone.

When those awful people from your past try to get into your head, tell them that you refuse to let their toxicity control you and your ambitions. Tell them that you know they did what they did because they were weak and cowardly and that you are better off not having them around.
Amanda Trought said…
Ella, know where your coming from and every so often have waves of doubt following me and I have to give myself a talking to. Love your photographs and the way that you put arrange them. I love all your work and have been inspired over the years by your 'boldness'...I have come to conclude that everyone at some point or another feels like hiding but know that when you come out and share a piece of your self someone somewhere around the world has been given the courage by you to share a piece of themselves. Blessings and much lovexx
Yolanda Renee said…
Anytime I share I feel over exposed, no matter what it is. That's why even though I have almost 500 blog posts most of them I've taken down. Especially anything personal.

You are a lovely artist, and I wish I could take photo's as good as yours. I took the photo I posted on my blog today, but I'm sure someone who knew what they were doing would have really done a good job, but for what it's for I think it will suffice. Is it Art? NO!
But you are an artist!
Ella said…
Thank you, everyone so much! I will be by soon to comment. I am a lounge lizard, a sloth..tore up the ligaments in my ankle. I have to go lay down and ice up and for some reason I have issues with technology. My kids believe it is my blood type. Yeah, they are riots-those two. But tis true I set off things and electronics act up around me. I have to lay down and ice up.
Emma Woods said…
Ella your photography and recent article in Art Journalling is an inspiration to me.

I was also bullied at school. With the advent of facebook this person strangely thought I would want to be their friend after years of torment.

Since this during my life I had a nervous break down in my early 20's and a recently diagnosed bi-polar suffer which sometimes makes me very paranoid and uncertain on my art.

I think all the work you have done are a fantastic testament of the strong and wonderful women you are and always were but children are cruel and rarely seem to understand the long term impact of their cruelty.

I look forward to seeing more of your work and would love any comments you may wish to make after seeing my work which is at emmascraftymoments.blogspot.com.

All the best xx
Stephen Tremp said…
Ella, enjoy your break from blogging. And thanks for taking time to stop by and say hello.
Sarah Maybee said…
Hi Ella.

I came across your writing in bella Grace and came to find you online.

Thank you for sharing what's personal to you. My heart broke as I read about your being bullied in school. I wasn't bullied in school (made myself as invisible as possible) but I was sexually abused as a child. And the affects of that are similar to you and have reached its unwelcome hand into adulthood. It's been a struggle to share all things personal. And yet I feel a strong desire to reach out and connect with what I have. I am a professional musician, photographer and jewelry-maker so there is much to share but I've experienced varying degrees of reluctance when I go to put something I've created "out there." The inner, negative monologue I lived with for many years dug a rut into my mind and heart and it has taken years of work to gently and lovingly release the power it has had over my life. My faith in God and the love of my family and friends have worked threads of redemption into these dark areas and have transformed much of it into light and love. It's so wonderful to breathe for what feels like the first time. Keep feeding your heart and mind with things that encourage and uplift you - the night always has to give way to morning light.